Parenting vs. Mess

For my first parenting article response I chose one about messy homes vs. happy children.  You can read the complete article…Click Here

This article has come across my news feed several times in the past month or two.  The basic premise is that the husband blamed the mom for the messy house because she is a stay-at-home mom.  He looked at the dirty dishes as a sign that his wife sat around all day.  Until one day, he started realizing that his children are happy, despite the mess.  And he realized that she chose to do things with her children instead of cleaning.

Awww, what a nice husband realizing that staying home caring for the children all day is a full time job.  Taking care of the house is also a big job.  BUT, it does not have to be one or the other.  Good parents don’t have to choose to do things with their children all day long and leave the house a mess.  Ok, I know I am probably getting a lot of angry looks by parents, particularly stay-at-home parents, but hear me out.  In caring for children and teaching your children there is an important lesson to be learned about taking pride in your home and your stuff.  You don’t have to choose your children OR your house.  Choose both.  And choose both for the sake of your children, and to teach them important life lessons about picking up after themselves, taking care of their belongings, and taking pride in their home.  Their future spouse will thank you! 

The author of this particular article mentions that he noticed how happy his children are.  Well of course they are!  When children have no chores or expectations to help maintain the household there isn’t a whole lot to not be happy about!  But what a disservice to the children and the children’s future spouse and family! 

Taking care of the home does not have to be the sole job of the stay-at-home mom.  Children, even young children, can learn to pick up their toys, put their plate in the dishwasher, or put their clothes in the hamper.  Part of teaching our children is teaching them to be part of the family and contributing in a meaningful way.  Teaching does not only mean we help them learn numbers, and the alphabet, and when to say please and thank you.  Teaching children to be prideful, take care of their things, and take care of their home helps them learn how the world works.  In the world we are expected to pick up after ourselves rather than littering on the ground.  In the world we are expected to clean up when we make a mess.  In the world, we are expected to take ownership of our actions and how they affect the beauty of the world.  On a nature hike would you allow your child to hack down plants, litter their garbage, or throw landscaping rocks around?  No?  Then why would you allow them to throw things on the ground at home, not pick up their toys, or destroy things in the house? 

My second rant about the article is that it gives the impression that husbands can either blame their stay-at-home wife for the mess or learn to live with it understanding she is busy.  What about him saying “wow, they must have been busy today so I’ll step up and pick up the house”?  Shouldn’t the working dad take just as much pride in the home and teach his children that it is important to pick up after themselves and pitch in as a family?  The alternative to the stay-at-home mom keeping the house clean is not automatically accepting the mess.  The alternative can, and should, be the husband pitching in.  I mean, I get it, he worked all day.  But he probably had a peaceful commute to work to listen to music he wanted and have a complete thought without interruption.  He probably had a lunch break.  And he probably had adult conversation.

When looking at these ‘all or nothing’ articles; there is usually a happy medium that makes the most sense.  And for my family, I choose to teach important life lessons instead of only the book lessons.  I choose to teach my son to pick up after himself.  To take pride in his things.  To be a contributing part of the family in a meaningful way.