Saturday, August 2, 2014

Nerves

I have surgery on Tuesday.  I wasn't nervous at first.  But now I am.  As the day approaches I get more worried.  It is minor surgery I am having to remove, or alter, a tumor on my uterus.  It isn't the actually surgery I am worried about.  It is the being put under part.  I had surgery before, everything went well but I HATED being put under.  I mean, really, really hated it!  While under I had terrible nightmares and thought they were true as I was coming out of anesthesia.  I kind of freaked out.  But that was before losing Jayce.  I am worried I am going to have nightmares about Jayce while under.  I have nightmares about losing him all the time.  Some are not pleasant.  Some are terrible.  And some are even worse than that.  I am really really nervous about having nightmares while under anesthesia about Jayce.  And I am even more worried that I will remember them. 

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